In the perfect wedding-planning world, everyone would get along and work to ensure that the couple has the wedding of their dreams. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case as many people want their opinions heard. When dealing with your mother and mother-in-law, it’s possible to have too many cooks in the kitchen.

Don’t let the mama drama get you down! Here are some tips for communicating with your mother and future mother-in-law to keep the peace during the wedding planning process.


For many mothers, wedding planning is a rollercoaster of emotions. She may have dreamt about her son or daughter’s wedding since the moment they were born. She may worry about how their relationship will change after getting married. On the other hand, some mothers try to recreate their wedding or insert their opinions onto their son or daughter’s wedding.

If you worry that your mother is starting to become a Mother-zilla, try to get ahead of the problem by communicating with her as soon as possible. Discuss your vision of the wedding, and talk about your priorities for it. Listen to her opinions and be respectful, but remember that you and your fiancé have the final say.

It might be helpful to discuss her role in planning your wedding and what her responsibilities will be. For example, on the day of the wedding, she should be prepared to help you get ready and collect all the gifts after the reception.


Communicating with your mother-in-law can be dicey. You don’t want to do anything to destroy your relationship before she’s even officially your mother-in-law. Try to listen to her ideas and include her in anything that you feel comfortable involving her in. Learn about her strengths and talents. If, for example, she’s a great cook, ask her to cater the bridal shower.

Listen to her ideas and opinions. However, don’t be afraid to say “that idea doesn’t work for me!” Tell her what you and your fiancé decided for the wedding, and stand your ground on things that are important to you.

Give your mother-in-law assignments, and discuss her role in the wedding. (The parents of the groom are typically responsible for the rehearsal dinner.) Also, ask her about any cultural or family traditions that you could incorporate into the wedding. Your willingness to include these things can hopefully smooth things over with your mother-in-bride and help her feel like her input matters.


If you have a stepmom, you have a whole other mother to consider. You might want to find ways to include her in your wedding, especially if you have a special relationship with her. Talk it over with your fiancé, and tell your mom before you talk to your stepmother. Determine what your stepmother’s role will be in the wedding. Express your expectations of her involvement to her, and make sure that she’s willing to do it.


Above all else, don’t forget to be diplomatic and assertive when it comes to communicating with these important women in your life. Listen to their opinions and look for ways to get them involved, but stand firm on the wedding planning decisions that matter the most to you!  


Get a head start on your wedding planning at Menagerie – smart, effortless online wedding planning.

Plan My Wedding